I won't look for the easy way out

Today. It's so damn cold today. The rain doesn't seem to stop very soon and the streets are almost entirely submerged in water. I've just finished my gym class. I'm exhausted but I feel so great. I put on my tights, my pencil skirt and my purple blouse and I'm just about to leave the building when I receive your call. You remind me not to be bold and walk on my way home.

"Your body is still warm and it's freezing outside. You should get a cab. Please take a cab!"

As soon as I hang up the phone, I open the exit door and I'm strongly hit by the harsh wind. I stay still for a few moments. I can feel the cold drops of rain falling over my flushed cheeks. It's such a bitter-sweet feeling that I close my eyes and start smiling. I pump up my chest, greedily inhaling the fresh air, filling up my lungs with the smell of autumn. As I let the cold wave embrace my body, I quiver and I find myself uttering out loud the following words:

"I won't look for the easy way out of this messy life of mine."

A pleasant feeling of tranquility suddenly overwhelms me. I open my eyes and start walking in the heavy rain, deciding not to open the umbrella. I step firmly on the flooded sidewalk, soaked up to the skin, shivering but unusually happy.

Yes, this is the first day of the rest of my life and I'm not looking for any loopholes in this screenplay. I will accept whatever I have to bear, I will face whatever I have to confront, I will fight whatever battles I have to hold.

I won't open my umbrella.
I won't get a cab.
I won't take any painkillers.
I won't scream for help.
I won't wear any life jackets.
I won't drug myself only to escape this reality.
I'm keeping my eyes wide open, my senses wide awake and my heart wide alive.

I want to feel life running through my veins. I want to shout as loud as I can:
"I'm not afraid to be alone. I'm not afraid to lose everything and start all over. I'm not afraid to be murdered and born again. I'm not afraid to watch my dreams die because I know I'll always come up with new ones. I'm not afraid to live with bleeding wounds because I know someone will heal them some day."

So I'm not looking for the easy way out. I want life to hit me as hard as it can. I'll always turn the other cheek around and say: "Thank you, I've never felt so alive before!"